Where is John Wilson?

by John Wilson

 

Always put down the arm rests.

 

In all fairness, I’m not skinny. I have to be cognizant of staying on my side of the seat and have a tendency to take up more leg room than I really should. I understand it sucks to be heavy and I get how hard it is to lose weight. Therefor, if you sit beside me on the plane, make sure you follow these rules:

 

I strongly suggest, before anyone sits down beside you, you immediately put the arm rests to their lowered and locked position. Here’s why:

 

On a recent trip back from San Diego, I got stuck in the middle seat. This is never a good thing, even if two members of the Swedish Bikini Team are on both sides. You can’t stick your feet in the aisle, and you can’t lean or look out of the window. It’s just bad.

 

In this case, I was stuck between a self-proclaimed “big man” coworker and a gentleman who was no less than 400 pounds. I’m not kidding, this guy was not only in his seat, the aisle, and my seat, but he was also taking up all of the leg room in my section of the “under-seat area.” It was so bad the flight attendant felt bad for me and asked me several times if I needed any extra water, a pillow, and shot me the knowing – I’m glad I’m not you – glance.

 

Normally, I’m a pretty easy to get along with nice guy. But seriously, this guy was 100% invading my space, no matter how many times I huffed, sighed, elbowed him, wiggled or moaned. When he wasn’t snoring loud enough that the people around me were laughing, he was bouncing his leg hard enough to cause the people in the aisle across from us shoot me dirty looks.

 

About two hours into the flight, I decided my only defense was to put down the arm rest and at least get him kind of off of my side. I looked down at the arm rest but there was absolutely no way I could lower it on to this guy’s leg which was nearly 50% under the arm rest. I did the only thing a self-respecting business person could do, I lied about work.

 

When the guy woke up and noticed me kicking his leg to get to my computer stowed beneath the seat, I said warmly, “Hey, sorry to bother you but I need to get this report done before we land. I don’t want to elbow you so I’m going to lower the arm rest.”

 

I’m not joking you, the guy asked me, “Seriously?” like I was committing a crime to claim my section of the seat. I replied, “sorry, man” and gave him my best poker face. The airline industry should seriously consider requiring individuals who weigh more than 350 pounds to buy two seats. When I’m one of the skinniest people in the row…

 

The dude literally had to move completely off the seat to give me room to put down the arm rest. When the arm rest finally reached the full down position, it was like I moved directly to First Class. I could feel my legs again, I could reach the magazine pocket and my lungs could fully expand.

 

The guy got mad.

 

To rub it in, I powered up my computer, opened a Word document, sighed a big loud sigh, closed the laptop and muttered, “I guess this can wait until my layover” closed the computer, spread out in the seat, and drifted off to a warm nap, comforted of the rhythmic leg-bouncing all the way to Atlanta.

by John Wilson

 

I probably should have known. A 7.5 hour road trip to see a band of 60 year olds is a bad idea. Not to mention it was on the same night as UFC 100, arguably the best UFC card in the history of the sport.

 

There was no way I could say no – it was on my wife’s bucket list, and she rarely asks for anything.

 

As I was closing up shop at work, a co-worker who knew I was going to the show pointed out that Aerosmith had canceled several of the last shows because of an “undisclosed injury to a band member.” I surfed the web before we left and found several sites that said, “Aerosmith confirms they will definitely have the Tampa show.”

 

I left work early, set my new GPS for Tampa, FL and started the 7.5 hour road trip. Of all the trips on the whereisjohnwilson.com Summer Tour, this was one I was looking forward to.

 

Upon arriving at the Holiday Inn Express in Tampa, the desk attendant guy says, “Hey, you guys going to the Aerosmith Concert? They canceled about two hours ago (insert evil laugh).” Mind you, they said, “we are definitely playing tomorrow night.” After doing a little research from the hotel room, Joe Perry called into some random local radio show and announced the cancellation. Nice. Don’t you think they probably knew early that morning. Wouldn’t you think they’d imagine people would be traveling to see them?

 

We did get to visit the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino where neither of us gambled a dime (the place was packed and the lowest blackjack table was $25 a hand). We didn’t really find much to do in Tampa, though we didn’t look very hard. We drove back the 7.5 hour trip to Charleston just in time for UFC 100.

 

Update: Three weeks later and Live Nation still hasn’t refunded our tickets. They state they can’t give us our money back until the band reschedules the show. This makes no sense to me. No service, no pay. The way I see it, Live Nation is sitting on an interest free loan from the Bank of Wilson.

 

Update: see here for instructions on how to get a refund

 

Lessons learned:

• Never trust a rock star over 55
• Never travel more than four hours for a concert
• Tampa does a bad job of being appealing on the Internet
• Live Nation will hold your money hostage

by John Wilson
 

How the UFC works

How Stuff Works is a great site. They have well written and well researched articles on subjects from all spectrums. They also have an excellent general subject podcast available on iTunes, including my favorite, “Stuff you Missed in History Class.”

 

The particular article I’d like to draw attention to tonight is “How the Ultimate Fighting Championship Works.” This article covers the basics including:

• The Octagon
• Fighting Styles
• How to win
• UFC Rules
• UFC today

Each section gives a broad overview of the sport and what to watch for in a pay-per-view, Fight Night or The Ultimate Fighter show. Unfortunately, there is no one in the UFC named “John Wilson.” However, when you put “John Wilson +UFC” into Google, my website is on top.

 

Other Resources for basic MMA
If you’re interested in learning more about MMA (mixed martial arts) or the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) research the following search terms:

• Jiu-Jitsu
• Muay-Tai Boxing
• Judo
• Freestyle Wrestling
• Official UFC Website
• Sherdog.com – news site
• MMA Mania – blog site
• Unofficial UFC rankings

by John Wilson

WWTT is my new section called “What Were They Thinking.” I love to ask (typically out loud):

Were there 10 people sitting around a boardroom congratulating each other because they all thought this was a good idea?

In preparation for UFC 100, possibly the most excited I’ve been for a fight in a long time, I’ve been watching Spike’s “Top 100 Fights of All time.” About every other block of commercials they show one in particular for UTI.edu. The Universal Technical Institute is:

a nationwide provider of technical education training for students seeking careers as professional automotive, diesel, collision repair, motorcycle and marine technicians.

Excuse me? I was thinking UTI “universally” stood for something else? Pretty much every human from an English-speaking industrialized nation (most likely UTI.edu’s main market) understands UTI as a Urinary Tract Infection.

 

So, assuming this wasn’t a strange ploy like Aciphex to get attention, how many intelligent people did it take to sit around that board room and say… “Our offering is Technical… wait wait, and we’re an instittute…” I still follow them there… but what about the Universal part?

 

The definition of “universal” is so generic that it offers nothing to the name of the company. This is where they had the opportunity to bail themselves out and save face. I can understand if your name is “John Wilson” then you don’t have much choice but to name the college JWI.edu. But they chose to use “universal” which completes the UTI trifecta.

 

It almost makes me think that the name was a ploy to get people like me, watching Spike TV, with the humor level of a 12 year old, to laugh, talk about them and even go to their website. It worked, but this is still a really stupid name.

by John Wilson

 

I hate to check bags. I never think they’ll make it to my destination, I’ve heard the horror stories from friends and coworkers. All I imagine is some TSA agent shuffling through my underwear. I especially dislike the buzz-kill that is arriving at a fun new location and standing around for 30 minutes waiting on your bag.

 

This week’s site is great for frequent travelers and those of us who pack way too much. One Bag.com is about “the art and science of packing light.” Written and maintained by Doug Dyment, the site is primarily about packing for any trip using only one bag. Doug’s introduction lists the following purposes of the site:

1. What To Pack, avoiding the temptation of lugging around too much stuff;
2. What To Pack It In, understanding what to look for in efficient & effective luggage; and
3. How To Pack It, particularly the management of clothing so that it doesn’t get wrinkled.

 

The site has numerous awards and has been featured on Expedia.com, PC Magazine, Britannica’s Internet Guide and several others.

 

If you only have time for one page of the site, check out the One Page Checklist.

 

If you’re the curious type, check out the interesting folding method the site offers. I’m looking forward to my next plane trip to see if I can get away with just the things listed.

 

Though text heavy at times, this site is definitely worth your time if you are a frequent traveler who hates to check luggage.

by John Wilson

 

The whereisjohnwilson.com Summer Tour was off this weekend, but I have an interesting and quick tip to pass along.

“You should worry if there are free ear plugs left by the hotel on your pillow.”

A friend of mine is staying (as we speak) in a moderately nice hotel in the north east. When he entered the fancily decorated room he noticed Oreo cookies and ear plugs on his pillow case. I would typically expect to see an Andes mint or even a peppermint.

 

He probably should have known right then and there to turn around, and walk quietly back to the reception desk. Instead he went to free dinner (it was National Fried Chicken Day).

 

When he came back he discovered the reason for the “free” ear plugs. There was a bar just out his window blasting horrible country music. Now I’m a Kenny Rodgers fan just like you, but having Hank Williams rock me to sleep on the front end of a five day business trip is not my idea of fun. Between The Dixie Chicks and the crazy cowboy-hat wearin’, mini-van drivin’ drunks breaking bottles in the parking lot, the Oreos are probably not going to make the difference.

 

Moral of the story: If an otherwise nice hotel leaves you free anything out of the ordinary (earplugs, water-buckets, bug spray) it’s probably a good idea to switch rooms or switch hotels.

 

Yee Haw!

by John Wilson.

The SEM/Web 2.0 site of the week is NameCHK.com.

 

With a one click you can determine if your favorite user or brand name is available on over 120 Web 2.0 sites across the Internet. With Social Media moving from a fun diversion to a serious (diversion) marketing and customer service tactic, having a consistent user name is crucial to moving up the search engine ladder.

 

Check out your favorite user name, and the user names of others, like “JohnWilson” at NameCHK.com.